D3 body, D1 cock
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
