Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
