Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
