i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
