Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
