apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
