Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The air was thick with penises
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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