I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
