he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
