Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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