that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
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So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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