You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
