She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
