Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
