Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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