he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
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The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
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My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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