Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
