My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
