I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
