we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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