There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
