I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
