He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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