Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
