woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
