I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
