i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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