I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
