our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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