I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
