yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
