Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
