Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
