I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
