I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
