.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
