I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
