You're so nebulous sometimes
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
