he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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