My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
