i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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