I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
