Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
