Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
did i walk over a car last night?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
