i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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