it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
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I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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