Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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