if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
