i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
