Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
