So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
