he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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