Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
