Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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