Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
