Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she peed on how many people?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
