I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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