dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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