bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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