you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
