3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
