$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
