i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
